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The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling
Why does it feel sometimes as if our children have special powers that enable them to tune us out completely? You ask your child to do her homework, get ready for school or bedtime. You think she heard you but . . . no response. You’ve tried everything—time-outs, nagging, counting to three—and nothing seems to work. In this invaluable book, Amy McCready, founder of the popular online parenting course Positive Parenting Solutions, presents a nag-and-scream-free program for compassionately yet effectively, correcting your children’s bad behavior.
McCready draws on Adlerian psychology and Positive Discipline, which focuses on the central idea that every human being has a basic need to feel connected and empowered—children being no exception to the rule. According to McCready, when this need isn’t met in positive ways, kids resort to negative methods. In this book she provides parents with a virtual toolbox of strategies they can use to give their children the attention and power they crave—and do away with the misbehaving that adults dread.
- Sales Rank: #23390 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Tarcher
- Published on: 2012-08-30
- Released on: 2012-08-30
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.20" h x .80" w x 5.40" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
“A must read! If I Have to Tell You One More Time delivers practical, step-by-step tools for well-behaved kids and happy families.”
—Dr. Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions and Today show contributor
“I’ve always said that if parents do their job right, they eventually work themselves out of a job. Finally: the tools we all need to achieve ‘parental unemployment.’ And best of all, you never have to get mad.”
—Wendy L. Walsh, Ph.D., human behavior expert on CNN, cohost of The Doctors, and mother of two
“Packed with clear direction—including really practical tips and simple strategies—for how to put an end to whining, tantrums, battles, and all the rest, this book will be a giant relief for parents who want to bring out the best in their kids.”
—Dr. Christine Carter, author of Raising Happiness
“Spoken like a real mom. This revolutionary program will help any parent address any problem . . . with calm.”
—Hal E. Runkel, author of ScreamFree Parenting
About the Author
Amy McCready reaches a worldwide audience with her online Positive Parenting Solutions courses and webinars as well as regular television and radio appearances, including NBC’s Today show, Rachael Ray, MSNBC’s Dr. Nancy, Fox & Friends, CNN’s Headline News, and Parenting with Ann Pleshette Murphy for ABC News NOW. A regular parenting contributor to the Today Moms blog, she lives with her husband and two teenage boys in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Most helpful customer reviews
181 of 185 people found the following review helpful.
Seems to Be Missing Critical Info
By Chocoholic
I have subscribed to Amy's video program, I've read her book, and I've listened to portions of the book on Audible. I'm still having a very hard time implementing the tools she recommends.
Here is an example: Amy has a tool called "when . . . then". You tell then child "when you finish cleaning up after dinner, then you can have your treat" or something similar. What she doesn't go over for each of her tools is how to handle all the uncontrollable whining, tantrums and continuous fighting that ensues when you try to initiate these boundaries.
For the "when . . . then" tool, one of her examples is to say to the child "when you load the dishwasher, then you can come to the table for dinner.". What she doesn't cover is what to do when the child refuses to do the chore and doesn't care about the "privilege". She simply says the child will have no choice but to comply. But the child does have a choice: not to eat dinner. Now, I don't really care whether my child misses a meal, but it's one of my husband's hot buttons, and he goes nuts if that is going to happen.
Amy has similar recommendations for ensuring routines. I am big on routines in my house. But I still can't get my boys to get ready for bed independently without playing around, dawdling, etc. I tell them it cuts into their story time, I give them the "when . . . then", etc. It doesn't change their behavior. They just continue to do what they are going to do. They get a shorter story time, but if they dawdle or misbehave so much that there isn't any time left for stories, all hell breaks loose! Amy doesn't give any advice for handling that because I somehow still need to get them calmed down enough to go to sleep on time (if they don't get enough sleep, one or them will be especially cranky the next day). In her book and audio, she simply states that they will learn to comply because they have no choice. I don't know how many times I'm supposed to go through the same drama when they lose a privilege, but I've now been through the same situation many times, and it doesn't change their initial behaviors.
There are other facets to her advice that also seem to be missing. For implementing mind, body, and soul time, she doesn't say what to do when 15 minutes isn't enough. One of my boys, in particular, loves mommy time so much, he wants mommy time ALL the time. I have to be very stern on drawing the boundaries and explaining that I have had fun, but I need to do other things. This doesn't help in getting him to start playing on his own (without bothering his brother) or help him figure out what to do on his own. He's old enough and fully capable, but when he wants more attention, he won't give up, follows me in the kitchen, whining and carrying on, etc. So what do I do with that?
So I think in most recommendations in the book, what is missing is what to do when her recommendation doesn't work right away or the child persists and persists and persists and persists, especially after instituting a consequence. I am guessing her premise is that if you are consistent, then the misbehaviors in reaction to the consequence will end, but when? The book seems to indicate that it won't take long, but so far, that is not my experience.
I do see a little better results using these techniques with my older son (7), who tends to be easy going. For my younger boy (6), he tends to be more strong willed, so he'll just choose not to have the privilege or throw huge fits. I don't give into him (and never have), but I'm still left not being able to improve the initial behavior that started the conflict.
98 of 115 people found the following review helpful.
Yes, Parents, You Actually Have to Parent!
By NatalieK
I have a 4-year-old toddler, who is pretty good and obedient most of the time, but I could not for the life of me get her to clean up her toys. I found myself raising my voice and using threats over this issue, so when I saw the title of this book, it immediately drew my attention. And after reading this book, I learned that it wasn't so much "what" I did but 'how" I did it. I would take away her toys as a logical consequence for not cleaning up (which the book supports) but until I read this book, I couldn't see why that consequence alone didn't work (this is just one example of what I learned).
I've read several parenting books (The Happiest Toddler on the Block, 1-2-3 Magic, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and LIsten So Kids Will Talk...). I learned a lot from those books, but If I Have to Tell You One More Time is hands-down the best. McCready shows you how to eliminate the root of the misbehaviors. I would call it a misbehavior prevention program where there are a lot of empowering of kids, training of kids, giving consequences (not punishments) to kids, etc... The book isn't overly stuffed with psychological babble, but instead has clear, direct instructions and examples of how parents should implement the tools. I also love how McCready empathizes with the parents and then empowers them. There were some things I didn't agree with and some things I wish McCready would have addressed like hitting, lying, stealing, etc. especially because she doesn't believe in "punishing" kids. But overall, it is an excellent book that every parent should read.
And yes, parents, you actually have to parent. And it's hard (it's supposed to be!). It annoys the daylights out of me when parents blame their kids for the misbehaviors, (it's their personality, it's just a "phase" they're going through, they just won't listen, etc). So, if you're not willing to change, put in some hard work, or make your children your TOP priority, then this book isn't for you (or any parenting book for that matter).
This book is for parents of toddlers to teenagers. If you have kids younger than 2, I would suggest reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block which gives great tools for disciplining those little ones. I would also recommend having your spouse and caregivers of your children read this book so everyone is on the same page.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Susan
Very helpful
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